Please stop telling us to start dating.

firstdate-2Say what?

The bicycle thing does not work here. You know the one about falling off and getting back on again, or is that about a horse and saddle, it matters not.  Meaning well is one thing, but seriously, think about saying this when someone you know has just been through a bad break-up.

Bad.  Break-up. Relationship no more.  Be it through death, divorce or someone going totally bucket list shit on you, it is possibly one of the worst experiences one will ever have to endure.  To be told, ‘you know what you need?’

‘Start dating.’

Don’t get me wrong.  Some of us do in Silver Street.  We just pull up that best friend computer and hit that Tinder button, and for some, after a few serious frog episodes, go voilả, I have found zee mate! Bon chance to them.

d7aca956ef5eae5613aeb48528c9aecb  But for some of us, dating after the Bad Break-up is tantamount to instant nausea.  Looking for red hot needles to stick in the eyes and ‘ugh’ at the very thought of it.  This could be, and please take note, for many reasons:

  • Did it occur to you that we would rather cry into our duvets for a little longer?
  • We, believe it or not, are still in love.  This feeling does not switch off because someone else switched off their hearts for us. 
  • Grief is real, respect it.
  • We are learning to put our feet on the floor, ever so slowly, in the morning.  Getting through the day with bruised egos and deflated hopes.  Listening to some stranger’s shit is not high on the list of our agendas.
  • We have families to repair, not time to flutter our eyelids at another.
  • At our age, there is possibly a long, a very long history with another which needs adjusting to on our own now.
  • It’s not like asking us to buy a new car, or get another puppy.  This is big.
  • Most importantly, we need to find ourselves again.  Re-group the self, plan a future that we may not have contemplated, but find admittedly, a little scary and exciting with fledgling wings, so why invite someone strange to curtail our virgin solo flight?
  • Do you really think that we are only going to heal if someone else is there to do it for us?
  • At our age, we are pretty set in our habits. God forbid we want to take on someone else’s little habits.
  • George Clooney is a father of twins and off the market.  Robert Redford is too old and grumpy.
  • Needs must, be perhaps we are going to evolve into entrepreneurs, artists, speakers or teachers which is something we never thought of, but now, finance and futures and pensions and places are important to us. Dinner for one is fine, preferable to the life baggage of another when we are being a little selfish for the first time.
  • Not inclined for the nakedness of self before the nakedness of another.
  • And there are some of us, foolish we know, that have made our life choices and with or without, would rather be just that.

88c54dd63306b46bb483b04ea74c09f2-8603 Things may change.  Life is unpredictable, but speaking for myself, I had the greatest love.  It is enough for me. Want no-one else thank you, and you do mean well, we singles talk about it all the time, and we are not angry, but please, give us some credit and stop telling us that we need to start dating again.

We are worth more than that.  We loved. We still do and we will look back on the Bad Break-up one day with a sigh and a smile.  Till then … support us for the amazing women we are trying to be, going to be. Are.

Images: Pintrest, 8tracks and Profile wingman.