To each and every one of you fathers out there, that love and nourish and cosset the relationship you have with your children, Happy Father’s day. Being a father, creating a life and not only steering that precious gift forward, but being on board, totally, through the many storms, and lulls that happen – you have been blessed and it will be returned.
Not everyone has been a biological father, but many have fathered. It is important to recognise this. If you nurtured, be it an animal, a child, an old person, a friend or a colleague, and given of your time, advice and love, you are part of this day.
Some of us come from a generation where father’s, bless them, didn’t really know what to do. The stoic, quiet presence in the background, was mine. There to provide, discipline and dish out advice on the world even he struggled with at times, but not emotional. Never emotional. Left the hugging and birthday presents up to mother. Dependable was my father, loving to the extent of reading the report card and going ‘that’s too good’ when it wasn’t so good and I fearful that anyone would not jump to attention and shake his hand when he walked in the room. I could say he was cold, but now I just know he was at odds with what men could mean to their daughters on a loving scale. I fear he thought it weak to show emotion, and never did, but he was there and that was everything to me.
The father of my children knows how to show love. My children have thrived on this and though we are no longer together, his love for them is so intense, it makes us better as a family. I wished him ‘Happy Father’s Day’ today because he deserves to know how much I value his input in our children’s lives. There are some who did not like their fathers, who had no fathers to name, who struggled with daddy issues and felt let down – felt frightened by them, avoided them and it only highlights the neglect and sadness of those who had the opportunity to be real fathers and wasted it. They shall have to live with it.
Many of us, like me, have lost their fathers at this age. It is only then that we may begin to understand how much a role they played in our lives, and more importantly, that we accept their strengths and weaknesses – that we now see them as human, with all the faults in the stars and how they struggled with life, just like we do, but never wanted to show that side to us. My father had a difficult father, lost his mother as a little boy, a step mother, brutal discipline, never a kind word – and now I understand that he was only doing the best he could and that he loved us. And I miss him for it.
Today, with father’s day and all the wishes and instagrams and social media hype, there are fathers out there who wish they could have said more, done more, loved more and then there are fathers who cannot let go, who love unconditionally, race into the storm to save us. There are fathers who are broken children themselves, those who are warlords when it comes to protecting us,. fathers who sing, tuck in and cry at the very sight of us. There are fathers all.
In England it is known as Mothering Day. It should also be Fathering Day.
Women, like me show every emotion right out there. There are still men who believe that showing emotion is good, and those that believe it is the only thing. Some are more hesitant, but let’s just take one day, one day like today and try to understand, that deep down, I think most are bursting with hearts so full at the very idea of being a father. And let’s give them this day, and say, yay you are my hero, not so much or whatever, but let us try to understand that. Let us acknowledge we are here because we do have a father. And let us just honour them.
If you stood up for anything dad, and especially if you stood up for me, you are the best father I could want.
All I remember is how my father would swing me around, and know he would never let go.
He never did, and never shall. Happy Father’s day.
Images abc and paedicatricsoffranklin